You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
