you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
