But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize