She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.