Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?