Im at strip club and am horny
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?