I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.