so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
