New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
