Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
only if we run a train.
done.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
