2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
