You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
