I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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