The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
