sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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