and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.