dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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