Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.

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  (513): thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES. http://tfl.nu/uymn
  Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (2575)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."

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  (918): i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut." http://tfl.nu/bhgh
  Replies (13) Good night (4385) Bad night (614)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  First class.

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  (609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby
  Replies (16) Good night (4860) Bad night (616)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

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  (919): he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'. http://tfl.nu/h82o
  Replies (13) Good night (3696) Bad night (1157)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5657) Bad night (1249)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

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  (614): I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan http://tfl.nu/3du7
  Replies (3) Good night (2328) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  How did you make it to work sans hangover?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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  (660): How did you make it to work sans hangover? (816): 4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols http://tfl.nu/2csk
  Replies (8) Good night (1847) Bad night (974)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers

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  (864): I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers http://tfl.nu/0wmu
  Replies (5) Good night (1539) Bad night (541)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE

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  (612): Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE http://tfl.nu/81rr
  Replies (3) Good night (1230) Bad night (465)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why

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  (630): Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why http://tfl.nu/bkyw
  Replies (8) Good night (1186) Bad night (758)
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  (805): View more from California

  I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

  (805): View more from California

  Why do I even exist?

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  (805): I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all. (805): Why do I even exist? http://tfl.nu/rs2d
  Replies (4) Good night (490) Bad night (286)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.

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  (609): He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/dd1c
  Replies (9) Good night (303) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS

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  (315): EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS http://tfl.nu/jrog
  Replies (3) Good night (227) Bad night (657)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"

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  (613): Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!" http://tfl.nu/otim
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (161)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home

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  (503): Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home http://tfl.nu/qybd
  Replies (5) Good night (370) Bad night (285)

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