Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
