shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?