I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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