If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
