so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
