Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
