They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
