Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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