Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
