Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
