I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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