My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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