I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
