is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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