Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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