Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
