I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
