I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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