I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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