I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
