He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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