Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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