She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
