So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
