He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
