my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
