when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
