the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
