are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
