are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
