I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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