Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
