dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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