Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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