i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
