Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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