when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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