I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
