If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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