Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
