they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
