i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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