I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
