Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
