she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
